a colored spectrum

easter sunday

today's Easter Sunday!
i went to Church alone this morning. wow. church was so packed!
last year on the same sunday, i went to church with Jared.

Easter Sunday celebrates that Christ has risen!
the resurrection of Our Lord and our Savior Jesus Christ!
Christ is alive, He has conquered death and sins!
new life was given. but this time, it is everlasting!
Alleluia!

today's Mass was indeed a renewal of faith for me.
as i sang Alleluia, my eyes brimmed up with tears. there was an overwhelming of emotions.
i felt that God was really with me, and the Holy Spirit is in me.
that's the way it should be. but it should not be once a week i praise The Lord.
but i thank God for everything that i'm blessed with. my family, my love, my friends and me.
may i have the strength and courage to face trials and carry my cross.
at the end of it, i know the Christ is with me. Emmanuel.

i was suddenly injected with this anti-depressent while i was doing my work this evening.
suddenly felt depressed, lonely and disillusioned.
so many times today, i wished i hadn't walked out of Church.
i just wanted to stay there and be in His presence. in His Holy presence, i know everything is well.
Lord, please lift me out of my misery. please show me the way.
i am your lost sheep obediently waiting for your wise guidance.

school is fine. it's not studies that i'm stressed about.
generally, it's my life that i'm unhappy about.
how things fall apart like a crumbling cookie.
i can see my current relationship collapsing too.
i don't feel that i have somewhere or someone to belong to.
there's no sense of attachment or.... whatever.
i don't know how to say it, but i am jus unhappy.
maybe i expect too much, maybe i am not putting in enough effort.
too many 'maybe', too many 'if only' and too many 'i wish'...

posted by Veen @ 19:21